This week brought to you by the startling number on the scale a few days after Christmas. I’m going for a run.

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Welcome to the world this week where…

• The U.S. government is shutdown and government employees aren’t getting paychecks during the holiday season.
• The Lakers are really good
• Mt. Etna popped it’s top, making for some cool pictures and less cool air quality
• I am selling my van
• Nobody wants to be in the Super Bowl halftime show
• The Stock Market is still being scary
• Brexit is getting more and more confusing
• Jam-bands across the country are getting ready to melt faces as the ball drops

 

Conversation starters for brain-dead moments:

• “Hey, you wanna buy a van?”
• AirPods
• People ski across the South Pole and North Pole every year. That’s something that just happens.
• The speed at which asparagus moves from your mouth to your pee is pretty damn impressive
• All of these remakes of classic movies is hard to stomach
• Think about how many weed cookies Santa has eaten by accident
• Salt Lake City is the closest thing America has to Jerusalem
• What would be your platform if you ran for president? Tax plan?

 

Airports

In light of the holidays and people traveling, it’s time to discuss the beauty of the airport. There are few things I enjoy less than airplanes, but I adore the airport. There is perhaps no place no Earth that better dismisses the basic social norms of society. You want to drink at 8 AM? Great. You’ll be sitting at the bar next to an old dude in a suit drinking whiskey, two college kids in sweatpants doing tequila shots, parents downing Bloody Mary’s, and a table of kids screaming while eating Taco Bell for breakfast. It’s beautiful.

Time sort of just goes out the window. If you have a flight at 10 AM, it’s not that it’s 8 AM and you have 2 hours, but really just that there are 2 hours counting down until the flight leaves. You have a mental countdown to when you have to be on the plane, and the hour of day could not matter less. Nobody is less judgmental than an airport bartender. Which, after the antics that go along with the holidays, is a welcome and needed relief.

 

A riddle for you…

Don’t google this. Text me your response (2038037663) or leave it in the comments. Here it is:

“You come upon two doors, one to Heaven and one to Hell. Both doors like identical. They are guarded by two identical brothers. One tells the truth and one lies. You have one question to determine which is the door to heaven. One will always lie and one will always tell the truth. What is the one question you will ask that will determine which is the door to heaven?”

 

All of my effort has gone into this. So I will simply link to this.

 

A song for you: Sturgill Simpson- You Can Have The Crown