A Review of a Jellyfish from a very confused aquarium visitor

Jellyfish: 2/5 Stars.

I have always been a fan of animals. Because of this I decided to go to the Mystic aquarium here in sunny Connecticut. Seeing as I am turning 42 next week I decided to give myself an early birthday gift and splurge on the ticket and get myself the expensive one where you get to touch all the fish. This was very fun for the sting rays and the turtles, so when I walked into the neon-lit jellyfish room I got very excited. I saw a door labeled employees only, but since I bought the expensive ticket, I assumed I was permitted beyond this door. So when I walked in and walked up the ladder to the top of the jellyfish tank, I thought nothing of it as I reached my hand out to pet these wonderful creatures. To my shock, they stung me!!!

An older man named George saw this happen and told me that he had to pee on me so that it would stop hurting. He said that I had to sit criss-cross at the bottom of the ladder while he peed onto me. I told him that it was just my hand, but he responded that he was a professional and knew what he was doing. He peed on me for roughly 45 seconds, then vanished. All of the pee got on my head and now I’m starting to think that he wasn’t even supposed to pee onto me from the top of a ladder. I am very confused. Still 2 stars for the cool lights though.

 

 

P.S.- George, if you’re reading this, meet me at the bottom of the ladder tomorrow at midnight.

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