There is a gray bug in my room: How I’m moving forward in the aftermath of this discovery

This morning I became a victim.

At 8 AM Eastern Standard Time, I woke up, much like every other day, besides Mondays and Wednesdays, where I wake up at 9. But today was not a Monday or a Wednesday, today was a Thursday, thus giving way to my 8 AM rise. As I returned from the shower, cold and largely unexcited, I opened the door to my room, and it was then that I saw it. A gray bug scurried under my desk and out of sight.

Panic. Pandemonium. Anarchy. My fight or flight senses were firing, and my fight took over, cuz my mama didn’t raise no bitch. Anyway, I tore my room apart trying to find this bug. I got a mental picture of the gray one, and here’s what we know:

  • Gray
  • More than 4 legs
  • Not a spider
  • Potentially hostile
  • Very good at hiding

Using these qualities, I was able to draw an eye-witness sketch of the invader

FullSizeRender

So, from this, we did some research. My internet-research in the past is pretty much confined to me getting the sniffles, going on WebMD, and then convincing myself that I have Mesothelioma. Anyway, I turned my attention to the interwebs, more specifically the online bug community with a series of expertly-worded and carefully executed google searches…Screen Shot 2016-04-19 at 10.26.01 PM

Which led me to the realization that…

Screen Shot 2016-04-19 at 10.41.33 PM

I have a silverfish on my hands. Now I’ll be honest, besides this one mildly informative website, I know very little about silverfish. Will mine kill me? Maybe not, I don’t know for sure. But to be honest I’m kinda thrown by all of this. For all intents and purposes, I have a roommate now. I have to be cognizant of him now.

But seeing as part of his description page was that they’re really good at hiding, I have to get ready for him to be moving in for the long-haul (the 25 days remaining in this semester) and establish a plan of action. I had two options in front of me: I could be diplomatic and allow the creepy crawler to take up residence in my room, or engage in total war. I don’t have enough money left in my school’s student account thing to go buy Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, of which they only sell hard copies of, so I’ve made the decision for peace. However much forced upon me, I stand the best chance of survival through lulling them into a false sense of security before fleeing in the middle of the night. Hope that later on down the road they come through to inspect my room and find the not-so-aptly-named Silverfish and really aim the Raid can at that gray-headed bastard.

So for now, we wait, and I sleep with one eye open. Under the ever-watching eye of the Silverfish, I will not truly be free, but if I play my cards right, I may be able to get out of this pinch with my life.

This morning I saw a bug. This morning, I became a victim.

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